This is exactly what i still feel about you (:

y'know , i still feel your presence here with me though the fact is , you are not here . 

it pains me still , without you . 

The fact dat i cant move on , is still there . 

several times , we have been on the verge of giving up . 

but you stopped me from giving up , but sadly , you came to end it all instead . 

which was harsh for me . too painful , howh i wish . 

This was like the first perfect picture , felt like this picture could be made the wedding pic one day . 

okay , why am i thinking so far . 

This was howh i showed dat i loved him ? 

Yes , this is exactly , what i did . 

His pic dat i stole , after he stole mine . 

Good old memories (':

191209 ; Wow ~ The best day of my life . 

Okay , okay . I'm gonna be here to update my blog . 

Well , sadly things had to end . 

But y'know , i ain't removing the anniversary tickers . 

I ain't even moving on in my life . 

Love ? Whats the meaning to have love , but not with the person you need and want . 

Since he left , i lost the meaning of LOVE . 

No matter what , when i say , something involving LOVE , the looks of him comes in my mind . 

It's like i'm so haunted . 

A thought of him , follows me no matter where i go . 

Sleepless nights , no late night phonecalls . 

No more bubu ~ 

Hais . 

It was really a hard time for me to deal with it . 

Uptill now , its still hard to go on with life as per normal . 

What i'm doing now is pretending . 

My smile , i'm pretending . But the fact is , its painful knowing the fact dat you dont want me anymore . 

It's like the hardest love , i've dealt with . 

Feelingless , all over again . 

The only reason , i cant move  on . It's because i still have you kept deep inside this heart of mine . 

Where i dont show anyone , like i said , you have my last key to my heart . 

And thereafter , no more key is given . 

You're still holding on to the last key , my dear . 

Even if , you decided to come back , i'm never gonna play karma no more . 

I'm never gonna continue my wrongdoings . 

I'm never the wrong Eyya again . 

You're simply traumatized , by what happened to you . 

It was painful for you , and i know it well enough , cause i felt it before . 

It was painful , nothing can ever describe . 

But like i told you , i'm the only kind of girl who would go all out for a guy she truly loves . 

I dont care what people say , but i'm in love with you . 

True love , requires alot . 

Seriously , it requires alot . 

Y'know , what i'm doing now , is for True Love . 

It's painful to wait . 

But i will . 

Next month , off you leave for NS . Few more days left , i'm really gonna miss you . 

3 months without seeing you . 

It's gonna be excruciating , but what i know , i will be waiting . 

I'm gonna be working , and focusing on my life , until the day , my waits ends . 

Then i'll see you all over again . 

3 months , ain't gonna be easy for me . 

Gonna be missing you like nobody ever can . 

It's so hard to explain what i feel here . 

All i could do , is cry in silence . 

Y'know , i dont want to cry in front of you . 

But the fact is , i'm always defeated with my own pretence . 

I can't , i can't go on in any way . 

I'm stuck here , not able to move anywhere . 

Even when anyone , says , find another guy . 

No , all i said was , No . 

I can't and i won't , cause he's still holding onto my heart . 

Mohd Afiq , you are still holding onto my heart . 

When you left , you brought along my soul . 

It was as if i was dead , its like my world changed to a blank screen with no words . 

Then , many told him to take me as a friend so as not to see me suffer . 

Yes my dear , you stick to your promise . 

dat you'll never leave me . and all . 

But love , deep down in this heart , wants you to complete my half heart . 

Cause now , im all half ! 

I need only you , the chosen guy of my life to complete it . 

Okay , i dont wanna push it all here . 

Maybe one day , when i chill with him or something . 

Then we can talk on . 

Things are still needed to communicate . 

But yea , i cant forget him . 

Talking about this , lets update about my day out with ♥Fiqoh Senorita , BabyPuteriySweets and also Muhammad Wai . 

It's been long since i last went out with this one joker of all ♥Fiqoh's friends . 

Firstly , the plan started with , the day before (:

Wai texted saying that , plans to hit grandlink for karaoke session , which was ♥Fiqoh's plans . 

But then it was cancelled as my dearest , Fiqoh Sonarita was tired from work . 

But instead they went lepak , -.-

Tak geram ? 

Hehs , i dont mind anyways . 

So , 20/11/10 , dats when we went out . Planned with Muhammad Wai about the outing all over again since 

Fiqoh Senorita , will be late as his having a family night out . 

And his prepaid went down on him , baguuuuus . 

At last i and my dearest sister , planned to meet up first . 

So yeaaa , we met at Grandlink entrance . 

Urm , i wore really simple but , fully make up . 

daa lamer tak pakai make up mciam tuu . 

HAHA!

Since i have Fiqoh Sonarita , i always wanted him to accept me for who i am . Not for my makeups . 

HAHA!

Well , so then we talked and smoked . And Adeq , I'm Sorry i was late like again . 

Hehs . :D

Then , we went in to the malay cafe at grandlink , and sat there while waiting for the boys and had our supper i  think ? 

HAHA! 

She treated me ? HAHA ! Yes , she did . 

But of course i didnt ask for much , just a little . 

And then we smoked when we had some improtus . 

Which i very much dont wanna get involved but i have to as to talk to my sister about it. 

and then , soon , its like 11 already . But this boys , ain't there yet . 

So i told , them both to meet up at grandlink first . 

Then after which we can plan wherever we are going laa . 

So me and Adeq , continued our singing session first . 

Till they reached , when they came , i was stunned . 

I didnt know what to do . 

It's like weird already , as though i just know him . 

hehs . 

But he wanted to like what hi - 5 with me . 

So yeaa , i did it . 

Then off they went out , and suddenly our timing which was suppose to end at 1:20am changed to 3.20am instead . 

Which they very much , added in money and paid for another 2 hours . 

So we sang all we had . 

I chose my favourite songs of course . Especially Dia , which i always dedicate to Fiqoh Sonarita . 

I sang that song , as nicely as i could. Which much of my feelings , and i nearly teared , but i hid my face . 

I didn't want anybody to see me cry . 

The song really suits what i'm feeling like now , the only difference , i still have him here . 

But , i forced myself not to cry , but i couldnt look up because at that moment , Fiqoh Senorita was looking at me directly . 

I couldnt , i wanted to cry . If only i can cry there , and simply hug him and tell him i want us to be back again 

But i just stopped myself from crying . 

I couldnt , it was so painful . 

He sat beside me , and i hugged his arm and still lean on his shoulder . Kissed his cheeks , just like howh i used to do it to him . 

And out of a sudden , i chose the song , puaskah by wali band

I knew , Fiqoh was gonna come and i took the song during the ending of my singing session . 

He then took place to sing that song . 

The song he dedicated to me before we broke of . 

During him singing it , he was singing it with his full feelings . 

Its like he's hinting evrything to me . 

I wanted to breakdown so much , but i know thats not the place to do it . 

Then he sang Baik Baik Sayang , the only one song from him dat can make me tear . 

And Yes , i did let go one tear of mine . 

Which was no longer able to stay in my eyes  .

I know , very much that he still knows my feelings when he sings dat song for me . 

I know , the feelings between us is still strong and known . 

We're not together for a mth or two , but its coming to a year . 

Which is long already , and it made it big impact to me . better still , biggest impact i ever had . 

Then , from karaoke , we were like dead of ideas . 

When they suddenly , decided to go Ketak-Ketuk . HAHA! 

Not many knows , but me , i know my dearest Fiqoh Sonarita and his friends quite much . 

So it simply means , lets go for pool . 

So we took a taxi , and we smoked in the cab apparently . HAHA!

In the cab , i was still hugging on to him . 

It's so hard to let go , seriously . 

Then we headed to Marine Parade , for ketak ketuk  

Out of cab , i went to 7-11 to buy ciggies , offered them . 

And then sat awhile , while smoking then off to play pool . 

There was like a sudden urge of me to hold his hands . 

Shockingly , we are talking back in I and You . 

and we did hold hands . 

God knows howh i felt at that moment , it was like so perfect , so great . 

I simply hope at that moment the time simply freeze so that i could have it all my life . 

It was the most precious moment to be holding his hands all over again . 

Up the stairs to the pool area , we still held hands . 

And we joked so softly , so sweet . 

So pampering , like as though we are newly match . 

Laughing , blushing , it was so nice to be at that moments . 

And Yes , we got table number 19 . 

i just realised , 19 - 191209 . 

Hmms . 

Something's not right . 

So , the boys started with first game . 

And then , Adeq , wanted to play . 

wheareas me ? 

I have no idea what to do in pooltable . -.-

Well , apparently , Fiqoh Sonarita became my teacher for the day .

It was so funny , terkene bola la . 

tak pergi jauh la , jump ball la . 

but i did managed to put in some balls la . 

HAHA ! like at least i tried though . HAHA!

Hmms . Okay , then i was giving it a really crazy time . 

It was so precious , to have him so close to me . 

Simply by my side to teach me howh to play pool . 

With my body leaning to the front to learn and his simply behind me . 

Holding my hand along with the cue . And then the other on my other hand . 

Directed me in all the positions to choose . 

It was fun indeed , i had a good laugh though i fooled myself there . 

Then soon , its done . 

We went down , and Fiqoh Sonarita wasted $2 on this game . 

Haiyo , nothing better to do . 

hehs . 

Then we sat down outside the pool area and smoked while planning of where to head to . 

HAHA!

It was all out , seriously . 

Then what we did was , since we're all tired and we dont know where to head to .

He headed to somewhere only the overages knows .

HAHA!

Took cab from Marine Parade to Light District *winks*

And in goes to Fragrance . 

2 places . 

So , off i go . 

I still remember when he said , Sayang msh ader siket.

Mataer ? Not now okay ? Takes time .

Hmms . 

But i still see howh we can hug each other so much , with feelings . 

And in the mirror , i said i love you to him while hugging and he said , it back to me using finger gestures . 

How much he cares for me like we're still in a r/s . My weakness and all . 

Hais . 

Then , we headed out and walked to bus stop.

I'm still holding to his hands . And went up the bus , i sat with him . By his side , leaning to him and we talked softly . 

He was disturbing me about other girls . Then i ask him , yelah orang tuu kan nak tengok whether i boleh ttahan tak with any kinds of jokes . 

And he smiled and said , tawu punn . 

He kept disturbing me and said , jealous ehs . 

Then thrus he will say , gurau la . 

Then i'll be smiling again . 

Its like a new r/s just built . 

Hmms . 

Then , adeq went down at eunos interchange while i went to bedok with them . 

Upon arrival , i requested for them both to teman me for a ciggie first . 

So we sat at the side of mrt entrance , and smoked . Then FiqohLove was like , "Eyya da takder duit nie "

Then like i promised him 20 bucks , so i took out 20 and gave it to him to topup his card . 

And so , he was like , you ader duit tak ? 

Then i told him in his ears , dont think much of me . 

Cause no matter what , you're still important to me . 

So he took the money with no words to say to me . 

And soon , i had to leave as i finished my cigg . 

So yeaaa ,i wanted to salam him like usual but it ended up to be the salam i usually salam him . 

Hmms . 

Then he suddenly kissed my cheeks and forehead , Truthfully i was stunned i didnt expect that at all . 

And it was infront of Wai ! 

Urm , but it felt so great to feel those lips once again on my cheeks and forehead .

Then I kissed him back , and off we left . 

He told me , nantie i da topup , i msg you . 

i was like aww , okays . 

I went home , and Fiqohlove went to lan game . gendeng kan ? 

Taklei ddk uma nyer orang . HAHA! but i still love him . 

Aduhhhh . xD 

Then i reached home , and i switched on lappy and saw him online at fb.

Ask him why never online msn , cause he at lan . Haiyo.

Then he msg me , and tegor me at msn but i fell asleep . 

I didnt know , he only slept at 6 . 

I woke up when he just slept . Howh cute . HAHA!

Then we chat awhile and off he went out . 

Hmms :D

Now , Mr Fiqoh Sonarita Love , is at lan gaming . 

And i miss him ! Tsk*

Movie date soon Mr ? Hehs .